Alex: “Thank you guys for tuning into another episode of the Cigar. We are going to talk about the different types of people you see in the Cigar Lounge.”
“Featuring the one and only Donovann Musa. The reason that Donovann is here is because he has experience in the cigar retail industry, so he’s going to be our expert on whether we can confirm or deny these claims.”
“We are smoking some different cigars today. Donovann, can you tell me what I’m smoking right now?”
Musa: “That is the Eiroa Lancero. I just discovered it yesterday. Don’t know how long it’s been out. Uh, I already love that cigar. The fact that I saw it in a lancero, I bought like six immediately.”
Alex: “I’m excited about this. I haven’t even had an Eiroa period.”
“Jared, what are you smoking?”
Jared: “Macanudo. A little bit lighter today compared to my darker Padrons, you know.”
Musa: “I’m smoking at Tatuaje Especiales. They suck. Don’t tell anybody about them. You see this logo in a cigar bar, just leave it alone… and call me.
Zach: “I am smoking the one and only Besa cigar. The only true, best cigar in the world right here.
Alex: “The whiskey for this episode is Whistle Pig. Uh, one of my favorites, honestly. Especially when it’s cold and today it happens to be kind of chilly outside for Florida.”
“So, the first guy we’re gonna talk about, which is kind of like the go-to make fun of guy is the noob, but not just the noob, the obvious noob.”
Musa: “Okay. Yeah. Yeah. They’ll puff on the cigar way too fast. Forcing it instead of just being casual with it. Just be casual.
Alex: “It’s like the first time they’ll cut their cigar way too low and then it unravels. Then they’ll blame it on the cigar.
Zach: “Or like this guy we saw the other day. He was holding the cigar, and needed relight.Our buddy Joe leans over to help light it up for him. It was about one second long, then the guy pulled away like, ‘oh yeah, that’s good, that’s good.’ And then our buddy is like, ‘Are you sure?’ He’s like, yeah, yeah, that’s fine, that’s fine. And the cigar was like 5% lit.
Alex: “Or they’ll inhale because they don’t know what’s going on. They’ll walk up like their cigar for the very first time and no one told them that they are not supposed to inhale. So they’ll inhale and they’ll get sick.”
“Or the guys that ash their cigar every five seconds, like in the cartoons.”
“Next up we have the know-it-all. This is the guy that comes in, he has everything and anything to say about the cigar that you’re smoking. He knows what’s best. He knows the guy, the very individual guy, that rolled the exact cigar you’re smoking. He knows the proper way to light it, etc.
Musa: “Yeah. I actually know it all. I’m that guy. No, no, no. Compared to the people that I’ve met though really in the industry, I don’t know.”
Zach: “Or like that guy walks into a cigar lounge. It could be any cigar lounge, and they will just walk around, then when you pick something up, they’ll go out of their way to come to you and be like, ‘oh, you don’t want that.’”
“It’s like I picked it up cuz I know I like it, you know? They come at you aggressively.”
Musa: “It’s the worst when the know-it-all actually doesn’t know. I just remembered a story. There was a guy that came in and I guess he was teaching a guy how to carry himself in a cigar bar. That’s what it looked like.”
“So he’s lighting the cigar and it’s literally just the whole thing. He’s toasting the whole cigar, the whole thing up to the band. He’s like, ‘yeah, you really want to get in there and toast it.’”
“I let it happen. I was like, I’m gonna watch this chaos unfold because I really can’t believe it right now. And say, and then he brought his own whiskey, his own moonshine and whiskey. Then he was trying to justify bringing whiskey into a cigar lounge that serves whiskey and was genuinely shocked that we’re asking him to leave. Like, what? What do you mean?”
“Like, this is not some garage with four guys smoking cigars, talking shit on a- oh wait.. That’s us.”
THE BUSINESS GUYS
Zach: “The small business guy comes in right after work Flower on his shirt. You know what I mean? Everybody knows him. Yeah, everyone knows him.”
“Guy walks in, everyone knows him, orders, you know, a Macallan 30 by accident without realizing the price, you know, but everyone makes fun of him for it still. He’s a cool dude.”
“He tries to get into cigars. He doesn’t know what he likes, you know, so he always asks people, oh, what should I smoke?”
“Which is fine. Love it. You know what I mean? You’re trying, you’re trying, dude.”
“Always ends up smoking half.”
“Yeah. Small business guy comes in way better than the big business guy.”
“The Big Business Guy is usually the guy that always comes in, suit and tie, acts like he owns the place. Always ‘making big business deals’ and such”
“Medium business guy? Man, let me tell you something. Medium business guy, medium business guy, walks into a cigar shop, sits down, right, lights his cigar, drops his papers on the floor, right? Trying to do business. He’s too busy. He needs a partner.”
“Ends up lighting a cigar. He smokes about a quarter of it, then it goes out and he never re lights. Then he starts getting stressed about his businesses, which, hey, I respect, you know? And then finally he gives up for the night and they finish a cigar like five hours later.”
“Yeah. Papers all over the place, you know. Sure. A table for four, he takes up the whole table because he’s fat or busy, busy, you know, paper, laptop. I’ve seen both though. people coming in for meetings that you know, well, he’s calling meetings.”
Alex: “What about the drunk? The obvious drunk. Like you see him and you know that he’s drunk.”
“He knows he met you somewhere, but he doesn’t really remember. So he’ll go up to you and you’d be like, Hey man, how’s it going?”
“But he is slurring really bad. And then every other sentence is like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So anyway. And you’re just like, what? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.”
Musa: “Doing business deals and like making giant decisions while he’s f*cked up and then, oh yeah. Exactly. And then, you know, he ends up pulling out like, uh, blue label, you know, the Johnny Walker Blue, you know, out of his locker and just pours you a massive shot.”
Alex: “The cigar slash whiskey snob. The snob is the guy that drinks the finest stuff, and smokes the finest cigars, but only because it’s the monetary value of it. Like, not cause he actually likes it, but just because like that’s the best brand there is.”
Musa: “What about the guy that pretends to know the owner? He’s dropping names. Oh. And yeah. And they don’t actually know the owner. Yeah. They’re just like, how’s Jack?”
“You’re like, yeah, so he’s doing good. You’re total is $17.14. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I know him too.”
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